Nothing Left Unsaid

I’m not normally a “nervous flyer.” And while I am not best friends with turbulence, we’re certainly not bitter enemies. If things get a little bumpy while in the air, I don’t panic, scream, or slap the person next to me. (If the in-flight movie is starring Ashton Kutcher, however, those are precisely my reactions, and I make no apology for it.) But on a recent flight, we experienced some severe commotion while in the air, and as I was thrashed back and forth, the thought actually went through my head, “Have I left anything unsaid?”

I am not what you would call emotionally reserved; so when it comes to my family, I am pretty open. I throw around the “I love yous” like I’m asking for somebody to pass the green beans! But I do it with generous sincerity. So the family, and even most close friends, are covered. But what of all the other people I know? And even those I DON’T know?

Faced with sudden, profound fear that life would be ripped from my very breath, I grasped for pen and paper and began to write down the things I had once erroneously determined were better left unsaid. Here is that list.

Dear Snider Family. Thank you for inventing In-N-Out Burgers. I love you.

Dear Lincoln. I somehow still have your MTV Party to Go Volume 2 CD that I borrowed in college. I hope you can forgive me. I certainly didn’t mean to keep it for 18 years. Additionally, over the years, I have grown increasingly embarrassed by the mere fact that it is even in my possession, due to one particularly notable track from 1992, performed by the impish hip-hop group known as “Naughty by Nature.” I believe the CD is still intact. It’s in my garage, wrapped in a brown paper bag, at the bottom of a concealed, unlabeled box. So even though I will indeed miss "setting adrift on memory bliss," as one of the other tracks suggests, it is time this treasure box of 90s dance music be returned to its rightful owner. Please be sure to remind me to give it back to you the next time you are passing through town.

Dear PetSmart. Remember when I tried to return that sharp-fanged, malevolent alien-mouse and you refused to take it back? And then you actually threatened me that if I did return it then it would most likely just be sold as snake food? I immediately marched from your store to my friend’s house and fed it to his snake. Thanks for the idea. Joke’s on you.

Dear Katy Perry. We are all super impressed. Now please cover up; your mother is thoroughly embarrassed.

Dear Heather. Many years ago you made me a mix tape. And even though I had previously made a very zealous and clear case regarding my disdain for Michael Bolton, you included a Michael Bolton song on the tape. At some point, in this life or the next, I believe you owe me an apology. Or at least an explanation.  

Dear Lady GaGa. I thought of a title for your autobiography. “Born This Way, The Devil Made Me Do It, and Other Lame Excuses for Why I’m Not Accountable for My Life Choices.” Do you like it? P.S. Nobody was born to wear a “meat dress,” m’Lady. Nobody.

Dear Lenny. When we were roommates, I always thought it was kind of strange that you dated a girl named Stevie, and then a girl named Sam. I always promised myself that if you dated a girl named Jake, I was going to say something. Anyway, I’m glad you married Harriet…though I do think it’s strange you call her Harry. Just sayin’.

Dear Jonelle. That time you accused me of buying out the store’s entire stock of Haagen-Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter at one time and I rolled my eyes and declared you a state of preposterousness…yeah, you were dead right.

Dear Taylor Swift. I’m not your target demographic, and you made my face do this when you were on Saturday Night Live …

...but dang if I don’t find it absolutely adorable when my 7 year old belts out the lyrics to Love Story. So thank you for that.

Dear Delta Airlines. Thank you for the opportunity to reflect on those memories and emotions that had long been buried…but never died.

What things are YOU leaving unsaid?