Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Speaking of Babies

Nope. No baby yet. Yes, we are overdue. Way overdue. If this baby were a library book, it would be carrying a hefty fine.

But since we are on the subject of babies, I thought I would share something with you that will make you so stinkin’ jealous of me; you might find it extremely difficult for us to stay friends.


In the arena of “song rhyming” (that’s what I call words that don’t really rhyme, but because they’re masked as lyrics, we kind of forgive them), “Katie” totally rhymes with “Baby.” What? It DOES TOO!

Listen, if Sting says that “cough” rhymes with “Nabokov,” then I’m pretty certain “Katie” rhymes with “baby.”

At least Sting was trying. Unlike some “artists” who actually “rhyme” a word with … itself.

“We were trying different things
And we were smoking funny things.”

Really? Mr. Kid Rock, please. You must have been smoking funny things if you thought we wouldn’t pick up on that slice of laziness.

Anynote, the reason you should be jealous of this musical serendipity in my life is this: You know how oftentimes, throughout the day, you will casually serenade your significant other? Right? You know, you pass in the hallways or on your way out the door or when he or she walks into the room – and there either isn’t enough time to have a thoughtful conversation or there are too many ears present at that moment or your mind is in the middle of some project – BUT you want to acknowledge them. You want them to feel that you are aware of them and you noticed them and think it’s pretty great that you get to be together and so you…sing to them…just a line…or two… Anybody else do this? Well, you should.

Well, that’s what I do. And I ask you, what is cooler than singing a song that has “baby” in it, but SWAPPING IT…with KATIE!? Answer: Nothing. Nothing is cooler than that. And you know it. And my gosh, I wish you could see how jealous you look right now!  

Many are the days I stroll into the bathroom while Katie is in the shower and I belt out SmashMouth’s “I Can’t Get Enough of You [Katie]!” Sometimes, to mix it up, I’ll sing The Foundation’s “[Katie]! Now that I found you, I can’t let you go. You’re in the shower and your head is sudsy-o!” I have to admit, that’s pretty fantastic rhyming.

Or if Katie is feeling hard on herself, she’ll be telling me about some way that she let herself down. That’s when I jump in with Chris Isaak’s “[Katie] Did a Bad, Bad Thing.” This has worked every time! If you’re trying to make me smile, that is. If you’re trying to make Katie smile, this has failed miserably. I usually rebound with “Don’t Say Nothin’ Bad About My [Katie].” That helps. It doesn’t really help her feel better, but it distracts her, because she hates that song. So we start talking about how lame that song is. And pretty soon, she’s forgotten about her disappointment.

My favorite is when Katie is leaving the house to go somewhere, because I have a cornucopia of Baby/Katie songs to choose from. Van Morrison’s “[Katie] Please Don’t Go” or Player’s “[Katie] Come Back” or even Franki Valli’s “Bye Bye [Katie], [Katie] Goodybe.”

I rarely go with Amy Grant’s “[Katie] [Katie],” because that’s just overkill. And I equally avoid America’s sweetheart, Justin Bieber, and her hit song “[Katie].”

Finally, when I’m trying to set the stage for romance, I croon with Bon Jovi’s “Born to Be My [Katie]” or Peter Frampton’s “[Katie] I Love Your Way.” Or, if I want to be sure that romance won’t visit my house for weeks, I have two options: Bread’s “[Katie] I’m-A Want You.” I only sing this if I’m-A want to get the cold shoulder for a fortnight or two. And trust me, I’m-A not-A fan of any such thing. Or finally, if I really want to be alone, I lead with Sir Mix A Lot’s “[Katie] Got Back.”  

Welp, I’m off to help my lovely wife cope with the fact that this baby isn’t in a hurry to get here. I’m planning to distract her with the following songs:

Ice Ice [Katie] - Vanilla Ice
Mammas Don't Let Your [Katies] Grow Up to Be Cowboys - Willie Nelson
[Katie] Don't Forget My Number - Milli Vanilli
[Katie]face - U2
Tell Me [Katie] - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sweet [Katie] James - James Taylor
[Katie] I'm a Star - Prince
[Katie] It's Cold Outside – Dean Martin

Any other ideas? I’m-A needing suggestions. 


K's Kamera said...

I think it's Mel McDaniel who sings "Baby's (Katie's) Got Her Blue Jeans On". I hear that is a big accomplishment these days.

seashmore said...

I don't know how you feel about country, but John Michael Montgomery's "Be My [Katie] Tonight" might be fun to try.

Oh, and this just serves as one more item of proof that "Katie" is the coolest name ever. Seriously, I've never met one who wasn't great.

Melanie Jacobson said...

My husband (a/k/a the Sexiest Lyric Nerd in the Universe) says you missed a bunch of Diana Ross opportunities, i.e. "(Katie) Love" and "(Katie), Where Did Our Love Go."

Ken Craig said...

Thank you Melanie. Your husband is spot on. And thank you Kathy and seashmore. And I'm sure all three of you have already thought of Poison's "I Won't Forget You [Katie]."

AliPruitt said...

'Katie' oo ooh 'Katie'...and (not lyrics but) "Nobody puts my 'Katie' in a corner". From Dirt Dancing

Matt said...

How could leave out Neil? "You [Katie]"

Matt said...

Last weekend, I'm sure you were singing, "[Katie], It's Cold Outside" by I really don't know who.

Matt said...

Or, or, ooh, did you propose to her with "Be My Little [Katie]" by The Ronettes?

I'm starting to have fun with this.

Matt said...

As a Huey Lewis fan, I would also be remiss to not mention that everything you do you are "Doing It All For My [Katie]."

Matt said...

I'll leave out Britney Spears, but mention that when things are rough and you need to reassure her, you can sing, with the Beach Boys, "Don't Worry, [Katie]."

Matt said...

And I should get back to work, but I suppose there will come a time when Katie might sing to you Whitney Houston's song, "I'm Your [Katie] Tonight."

Laura Howe said...

just hold Katie like a baby, and sing rock a-bye [Katie]. Maybe the babe will get jealous and hop right out into your arms.

Brooke said...

Maybe she just needs to get in the grove herself. She could chime in with Celine Dion:
"Cuz I am your [Katie]
And you are my [Ken]"

Using your logic, "Ken" rhymes perfectly with "man," right?

Ken Craig said...

Brooke,I like where your head's at. You just opened a whole new world to me.

Michael Jackson's "[Ken] in the Mirror"

ABBA's "Gimme Gimme Gimme a [Ken] After Midnight."

Shania Twain's "[Ken]! I Feel Like a Woman."

The Weather Girls' "It's Raining [Ken]"

Fiddler on the Roof "If I Were a Rich [Ken]."

REM's "[Ken] on the Moon."

Smith's "This Charming [Ken]"

"When a [Ken] Loves a Woman."

Heather said...

Britney Spears....hit me katie one more time????

dougw said...

You wrote "Justin Bieber, and her hit song “[Katie].”

Um, was that intentional? I was thinking Justin was a guy?

Ken Craig said...

It was intentional. Look at the photo. A guy? I think not.

Mark said...

I noticed you did not have a song for the child birth. How about Salt n Pepa's "Oh Katie, Katie... Push it push it real good". Maybe is a little on the nose.

Vickey said...

Don't forget
"Rocket [Ken]"- Elton John
"Magic [Ken]"- Heart
"Any [Ken] of mine"- Shania Twain
"Piano [Ken]"- Billy Joel
"Iron [Ken]"- Ozzy Osbourne
And the always popular, self gratifying
"Praise to the [Ken]"

Carie said...

OR. You can just sing one of my personal favorites: Kate by Ben Folds Five and not have to change a singe world. (except for the "I think she smokes pot" line, you might want to revamp that phrase.)

I sing family member's names into songs all the time. They love it. Especially Marky Mark.

merathon said...

isn't life so much more fun now that you allow commenting?

so since almost all MY answers were already taken, how bout UB40's popular hit "Here I am Katie"?

and just so you don't feel left out, "Here Comes the Ken in Black"!

Unknown said...

If you really want to get smacked, try replacing lady with Katie (what? it actually rymes?) in Dylan's Lay Lady Lay...