Speaking of Babies

Nope. No baby yet. Yes, we are overdue. Way overdue. If this baby were a library book, it would be carrying a hefty fine.

But since we are on the subject of babies, I thought I would share something with you that will make you so stinkin’ jealous of me; you might find it extremely difficult for us to stay friends.

Ready?

In the arena of “song rhyming” (that’s what I call words that don’t really rhyme, but because they’re masked as lyrics, we kind of forgive them), “Katie” totally rhymes with “Baby.” What? It DOES TOO!

Listen, if Sting says that “cough” rhymes with “Nabokov,” then I’m pretty certain “Katie” rhymes with “baby.”

 

At least Sting was trying. Unlike some “artists” who actually “rhyme” a word with … itself.

“We were trying different things

And we were smoking funny things.”

Really? Mr. Kid Rock, please. You must have been smoking funny things if you thought we wouldn’t pick up on that slice of laziness.

Anynote, the reason you should be jealous of this musical serendipity in my life is this: You know how oftentimes, throughout the day, you will casually serenade your significant other? Right? You know, you pass in the hallways or on your way out the door or when he or she walks into the room – and there either isn’t enough time to have a thoughtful conversation or there are too many ears present at that moment or your mind is in the middle of some project – BUT you want to acknowledge them. You want them to feel that you are aware of them and you noticed them and think it’s pretty great that you get to be together and so you…sing to them…just a line…or two… Anybody else do this? Well, you should.

Well, that’s what I do. And I ask you, what is cooler than singing a song that has “baby” in it, but SWAPPING IT…with KATIE!? Answer: Nothing. Nothing is cooler than that. And you know it. And my gosh, I wish you could see how jealous you look right now!  

Many are the days I stroll into the bathroom while Katie is in the shower and I belt out SmashMouth’s “I Can’t Get Enough of You [Katie]!” Sometimes, to mix it up, I’ll sing The Foundation’s “[Katie]! Now that I found you, I can’t let you go. You’re in the shower and your head is sudsy-o!” I have to admit, that’s pretty fantastic rhyming.

Or if Katie is feeling hard on herself, she’ll be telling me about some way that she let herself down. That’s when I jump in with Chris Isaak’s “[Katie] Did a Bad, Bad Thing.” This has worked every time! If you’re trying to make me smile, that is. If you’re trying to make Katie smile, this has failed miserably. I usually rebound with “Don’t Say Nothin’ Bad About My [Katie].” That helps. It doesn’t really help her feel better, but it distracts her, because she hates that song. So we start talking about how lame that song is. And pretty soon, she’s forgotten about her disappointment.

My favorite is when Katie is leaving the house to go somewhere, because I have a cornucopia of Baby/Katie songs to choose from. Van Morrison’s “[Katie] Please Don’t Go” or Player’s “[Katie] Come Back” or even Franki Valli’s “Bye Bye [Katie], [Katie] Goodybe.”

I rarely go with Amy Grant’s “[Katie] [Katie],” because that’s just overkill. And I equally avoid America’s sweetheart, Justin Bieber, and her hit song “[Katie].”

Finally, when I’m trying to set the stage for romance, I croon with Bon Jovi’s “Born to Be My [Katie]” or Peter Frampton’s “[Katie] I Love Your Way.” Or, if I want to be sure that romance won’t visit my house for weeks, I have two options: Bread’s “[Katie] I’m-A Want You.” I only sing this if I’m-A want to get the cold shoulder for a fortnight or two. And trust me, I’m-A not-A fan of any such thing. Or finally, if I really want to be alone, I lead with Sir Mix A Lot’s “[Katie] Got Back.”  

Welp, I’m off to help my lovely wife cope with the fact that this baby isn’t in a hurry to get here. I’m planning to distract her with the following songs:

Ice Ice [Katie] - Vanilla Ice
Mammas Don't Let Your [Katies] Grow Up to Be Cowboys - Willie Nelson
[Katie] Don't Forget My Number - Milli Vanilli
[Katie]face - U2
Tell Me [Katie] - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sweet [Katie] James - James Taylor
[Katie] I'm a Star - Prince
[Katie] It's Cold Outside – Dean Martin

Any other ideas? I’m-A needing suggestions.