What'cha wearin' to Promz?

Well, friends, we just made it through another season of high school proms. Whew! Congratulations, everyone!

I’m pretty sure I've talked about this before, but for those who aren't aware, the Craigs are a home schooling family. My oldest still isn't old enough to date, but I have to say that my very favorite response from people when they find out we homeschool – and this has actually happened more than once – is when they say, “What about prom?” Yep. You just read that. What. About. Prom.

Folks…I know we are all doing what we think is best for our children; but if the single purpose for your placing your children in public school is specifically for prom…then I’m going to admit it – I’m a little bit afraid of you.

PROM?!?! I know that according to Disney’s High School Musical 3 prom is the “Night of Nights” and a “Night to Last Forever” and a “Night we’ll never never ever forget.”  But seriously, what was your best memory from Prom? Was it choosing between the mint green cummerbund or vest? Or posing awkwardly in front of the white pillars and sparkly backdrop? Was it when you dented your dad's car after you assured him for weeks nothing would happen to it? Or maybe when your date was paying way too much attention to somebody else? 

Sure, occasionally you hear an adult reminiscing about prom and with fondness declare, “And that’s the night when I came up with the cure for cancer.” Or maybe, “Ah, prom. That’s where I had the vision for the Flux Capacitor, which is what makes time travel possible.”

But generally, the absolute best-case scenario is that you didn't blow all your money that you could have used for college, and that nobody did anything that…well, that couldn't be undone.

This photo can't be undone. 

And when did the phenomenon begin of making Prom a 24-hour date? “Well, we’re going to start at 3 a.m. with breakfast at Denny’s, then go mountain climbing to see the sunrise then jump a plane to Sri Lanka because they have the best rice and curry, then we’re going to stop in Hawaii on the way back – to go bowling – then we’ll drop off our dates to get ready for Prom, then pick them up, then go to dinner at Morton’s Steakhouse and then probably go to the dance, then fly to New York for a Broadway musical, then we’re going over to Tim’s house to make breakfast…and then we’ll wear our tuxes to church the next day.”

According to a Time Magazine article, the average cost of prom this year was $1,139 per attendee. ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-NINE DOLLARS – PER PERSON. Do you know what else you could do with $1,139?

-  Buy a car. (Not a good one. But I bought one in college for $900 and it lasted three years.)

-  Go to Europe.

-  Go to Fiji.

-  Build a Flux Capacitor.

Here's to One More

This is a photo of Katie and I in 1996, moments after we found out she was pregnant for the very first time. Nine months later, we had Abbie.

We had set the camera up on some makeshift pile of teetering books in our apartment, set the timer, and ran into position. It’s an interesting moment. The photo itself seems to have captured us off guard, like we weren't quite ready when the timer went off. And when I look at this photo, it seems like a reflection of how I remember feeling. Close to Katie, not quite prepared, and not sure how the picture would turn out.

Katie was 21 years old, and I was 25. How could we possibly know how our picture would turn out? It’s been 16 years now, and, metaphorically, the picture is still developing. But the development is exciting. It’s interesting, detailed, and colorful. Sometimes it’s unexpected and imperfect. Most times it makes me smile. And I’m grateful for the people that show up as our family photo develops. I am privileged to know them. Including the newest one, who will be arriving in November.

Yep. This is our official announcement. Katie is pregnant with our 8th child.

I must admit that this was not a complete surprise; still, my reaction was kind of like this:

Comedian Jim Gaffigan, who grew up in a family of six children and is now a father of five, once said, “Big families are like waterbed stores. They used to be everywhere, now they’re just weird.”

And that’s why I would like to pitch a new show to TLC, titled “Ken & Kate Plus 8.” But unlike TLC’s previous show, “John & Kate Plus 8,” we will be entertaining, and also not go all crazy-pants while the nation looks on. (Confession: I've never seen the show. But I hear things kind of went bananas.)  

I don’t know what the threshold is before one is considered A Large Family, but I do know that it’s already been several years that we've fielded that “Ah, nuts” look on the faces of waitresses, library workers, and people sitting behind us at the movies. Once, while shopping at Costco (natch), an employee actually watched our parade and queried, “Is this a school field trip?” Katie responded, “No. It’s a family.” (As if schools spend FHE at Costco, dude.)

A good portion of the public gives me incredulous looks when I declare that I love having a big family. And I can see why. After all, I have consciously selected a lifestyle where nothing I own looks nice for very long. Not the couches, not the carpet, not my dress shirts, not our books, not the yard, not the computer keyboard, not the stair railing, and certainly not the car. My gosh, the car.

I suppose there is also a heightened level of inconvenience associated with having numerous children. I can’t remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. I've had to, for the most part, surrender to any form of timing or rhythm in scheduling life. Bedtime is sometime after 8 p.m. and before 10 p.m. Sports, church activities, piano lessons, Cub Scouts, and dinner are all strategically scheduled (by outside forces) to occur at the same time. And if you are supposed to be somewhere at 8:00 a.m., it doesn't matter if you start getting ready to leave the Tuesday before, you will not make it before 8:12 a.m., as you will get halfway there before you have to turn around and go back because somebody is not wearing shoes, or socks, or pants. And you just pray it is one of the children and not you.

But the frenzied mayhem and borderline lawlessness of the wild frontier known as Parents of a Large Brood is truly inspiring to me. Nothing makes me as happy as my family. Nobody makes me laugh more. Nobody makes me feel more loved. I never feel more centered than when I am doing something for the emotional, spiritual, mental, or physical well-being of my family. I am a better person because I get to be a dad to these seven souls. And here's to one more!

General Conference Recap

I remember watching a movie once where a man who had been in prison for most of his life was well into his twilight years when he was finally paroled. I’m guessing it was the late 1940s. He wrote a letter to his friends back in prison about how he was struggling in this new environment, and he noted, “The world went and got itself in a big hurry.” I remember it struck me that he considered the era of the 1940s to be “in a big hurry.”

The world is noisy, isn't it? It’s noisy and in a hurry and a lot of the time it seems like the noise is primarily distractions from what matters the most. Sometimes those distractions are fun--I’ll admit I’m distracted pretty easily. Sometimes I’m annoyed by the distractions; or I’m annoyed with myself for getting distracted and giving my devotion to "lesser things."  

Anyway, I've recently felt weary of the world. Do you ever get that sensation? It’s clearly my own fault. I think I have probably given excess time and attention to noisy things that really aren't worth such focus.  Somehow, maybe because the noise was so loud, I figured it must need my attention; and  it was getting it. And it exhausted me.

I almost felt like I was holding my breath for this General Conference. I don’t know if I've ever approached a Conference Weekend with a more prayerful heart. I was anxious to inhale it all, and I felt like what I was seeking came fast and powerful; like taking a drink of water from a fire hose.

As soon as Conference started, I felt it. I continued to feel reassurance throughout the entire weekend of who I am, what truth is, what is important, what nourishes me, where my happiness comes from, where safety is, and why divinity makes all the difference. I felt gratitude for leaders who love and sacrifice and know the Lord and never fear. I felt still. I thought it was a really great weekend. I hope you enjoyed it too!

Coincidence? Maybe.

Do you believe in coincidences?  Or, more to the point, do you believe there are no coincidences? Do you feel that two experiences or events that are closely related by time or space or some other association … may have some purpose? And do you feel there’s a purpose … every time?  

It’s probably a hybrid of my faith as well as life experiences, but I fall in the No Coincidences camp. Although I will freely admit three things: First, it will not always be clear why a specific “coincidence” occurred and it may never be clear; not until the next life. Second, I believe our relationships in this life are purposeful and tied together. I don’t know that it is ever any type of “coincidence” to know the people we know. I would say, rather, it is Providence. And third, coincidences are rarely tied to birthdays. For example, consider the following conversation:

Friend #1: When is your birthday?

Friend #2: April.

Friend #1: MINE TOO! April WHAT?

Friend #2: April 13^th.

Friend #1: Mine is the 24^th! What are the odds??!

Uhm, the chances that two friends have a birthday in the same month? I’m no mathematician, but I believe the odds are…1 in 12? That’s not a coincidence, that’s algebra.

Anyway, I was recently listening to an NPR episode of This American Life, and they were re-telling stories that listeners had sent in regarding really incredible coincidences. I mean, some truly uncanny stuff.  Like a student who’s car broke down in rush hour traffic on a busy highway and the one person who happens to stop and come to her rescue – her dad; who lived four hours away. Or Steven and Helen, who get engaged and when their parents meet, they find out that Steven’s dad had dated Helen’s mom back in Korea in the 1960s. You can listen to the entire podcast here.

Of the many coincidences in my life – some profound and personal and some silly, here are two that jumped into my memory right away, for whatever reason.

Coincidence One: In January 2008 we were living in Las Vegas and our entire family took a vacation to Florida to visit some friends and go to Disney World. It was the end of the day at Magic Kingdom and my son decided he wanted a sword – a sword available only at the store just outside of Pirates of the Caribbean, on the other side of the park. Because I was campaigning for Dad of the Year, I didn't even complain, just grabbed his hand and bolted across the park. We’re buying the sword and the cashier looks at my credit card and license and says, “Hey, Las Vegas! Do you like living in Vegas?”

“Sure,” I answered.

“Oh, we live in Las Vegas!” said the couple directly behind us in line.

“Really?”

“Yes, what part do you live in?”

“Way up in the northwest,” I answered.

“So do we; we’re off the 95 and Durango.”

“So are we…we live off of Brent,” I raised my eyebrows.

“So do we, we live on Wind Warrior.”

“So do we,” I said.

Here I am, literally on the opposite end of this big country of ours, on a random night, in a random line, in a spot that I ran across the park to get to in a last-minute effort … to find myself standing next to a couple who lived precisely six houses up from me back in Las Vegas. We had never run into each other on the street or at neighborhood activities. We had to go to Disney World to bump into each other. Coincidence?

Coincidence Two: When I returned home from my LDS mission in the summer of 1992, my friend, Melissa, called me the next day and asked if she could visit. We had been good friends before I left on my mission, and I was excited to see her. We talked about life before my mission, I told her some of my mission experiences (as RMs are want to do) and she told me she was excited about her mission call to Iowa – where she would be heading in about two months. Outside of my family, Melissa was the first person I saw after my mission.

In the spring of 1994 I took a trip with some friends to St. Louis, Missouri. As part of our trip, we took a couple of days to drive up to Nauvoo and visit a few Church History sites. It was while we were on a tour of the site where the Prophet was martyred that one of my friends leaned over and whispered, “Somebody is staring at you.” I looked where my friend motioned and standing there, in the middle of Carthage Jail, mouth wide open, completely gob-smacked, was my friend, Melissa. You could have knocked me over with an issue of Times & Seasons. She was there with her parents, who had just picked her up at the end of her mission and decided to see some Church History sites before heading home to California. Outside of her family, I was the first person Melissa saw after her mission. Coincidence?

For the life of me, I cannot pin down any specific and life-altering reasons for these “coincidences.” I have a couple of theories and impressions…but I can’t point at a direct cause or effect. I don’t know the purpose. Yet.

Do you believe…in coincidences…?

Fortysomething

Me and my dad in Los Angeles ,1971; the year I was born and he turned 28. 

Yesterday was my birthday. (Thank you, and yes, I got your gift. It was just what I wanted! But I got two of them. So I’m going to return one and use the money to buy some new shoes. But I’m totally keeping the one you gave me. I’m returning the other guy’s gift.)

I am now 42 years old. Not a huge milestone birthday; however I can confidently report there is no midlife crisis on the horizon. (I check every six months; so I’m cleared until September.)

I’m actually quite fine being in my 40s. The thing that really stands out to me is being able to so clearly remember when my dad was 42. It was 1985. I was 14. My son, Garren, will be 14 this year; so the age gap is about the same.

I think about that decade for my dad and me. Ten years of milestones or rites of passage for me, all while my dad was in his 40s.

In 1983 I started junior high school, became a deacon, and received the Aaronic Priesthood. I think I also started officially using deodorant and loved watching The Outsiders. And my dad turned 40.

In 1985 I started high school, began attending early-morning seminary, went on week-long Scouting high adventures, played on the high-school water polo team...and my dad was in his 40s.

From 1987 to 1988 I became a priest, started driving, started dating, had my first kiss, got my first and second speeding tickets, went to my first U2 concert, went on a week-long surfing trip to Ensenada, Mexico, moved to Hawaii with my family, went skydiving…and my dad was in his 40s.

1989 to 1990 I had graduated high school, started college at BYU, received the Melchizedek Priesthood, and left on a mission to Portugal…and my dad was in his 40s.

In 1992 I came home from my mission and started back up at college…and my dad was in his 40s.

I am sure my dad experienced new things and had his own life alterations during his 40s, but for an egocentric teenager, it seemed like my world changed a thousand times over, and all while my dad was in his 40s. My dad will be 70 this year; but somewhere in my mind, he will always be in his 40s. And that’s the decade I am in now. And for some reason, that is what kind of blows my mind.

The Slump

Five months ago I moved my family from Las Vegas, Nevada to Orem, Utah. (There we are, in Utah.) There were several reasons we did this. Some of those reasons were super clear to me, and some were not. Some were public, and some were personal. Some I’m still not sure of yet. But the path was illuminated and we felt an internal nudge to walk that path. So we did.  

This move included the process of finding a new job. And...everybody relax...I finally found The One. In fact, I start today, and I am really, really excited!

If you've never been out of work for longer than two weeks, please allow me to share a just a few personal observations:

1.  It is the easiest thing in the world to “feel busy.” You will sometimes wonder how you ever found time to have a full-time career and do everything else. Your wife will ask you to go to the grocery store, and your response will be, “WHAT? That’s, like, my entire afternoon!” And then when she asks you what you’re so busy with…the only thing you’ll be able to think of is that all five seasons of Alias are now on Netflix, and those episodes aren't going to watch themselves!

2. Up to now, you have been unable to fully fathom both the glory and hazard that is Netflix Streaming.

3. There will come a day when you are standing in front of the bathroom mirror, and you have the razor in your hand, and the thought will come to you, “Who am I shaving for? Seriously, WHO cares if I’m clean shaven?” And with a smirk on your face, you’ll put the razor away. Then you’ll be surprised to notice that you’re wearing jeans…the same pair of jeans you've been wearing for four days. And they do nothing for your figure. And you’ll be disgusted with yourself. So you’ll throw those jeans in a dirty clothes pile, and you’ll go the entire morning pants-less. There will be whispered concerns between family members, but nobody will actually confront you; because clearly, you have only one marble left rolling around in that noggin of yours.

4. There will be moments where you absolutely do not feel like talking to anyone. Because even when they are genuinely concerned about your well being, you have to give them a lame update. And you start to feel that, in addition to being a disappointment to yourself, now you’re letting them down as well.  

5. You will appreciate the vulnerability of others like never before. 

6. You'll develop a deepened repugnance for Know-It-Alls. 

7. You will have conversations with your spouse that goes a little something like this:

Or something like this:

You: I’m sorry.

Spouse: For what?

You: For failing.

Spouse: Failing at what?

You: You name it.

Or maybe even something like this:

You: “The problem is I’m not qualified to do anything.”

Spouse: “You are qualified to do everything!”

You: “I've never done anything great.”

Spouse: “Everything you do is great!”

You: “Just saying the opposite of what I’m saying doesn't build confidence in me.”

Spouse: “So you want me to stop?”

You: “…Not really.”

8. You will watch clips like this, and you’ll wish that in all this "down time" you could have dinner with Elder Holland.

9.  People will ask you if you are enjoying some “down time” to do whatever it is you have always wanted to do. Write, sculpt, paint, lose weight, master the art of kung fu, create an app, become a stunt driver, start your midwifery practice…whatever. (They mean well, so don’t punch them in the throat.)  You have to remember that when you’re in the World of the Employed, having “free time” seems like the ultimate gift. But when you are in the World of the Unemployed, that “free time” and "energy to be creative" and "desire to develop new passions" and "need to wear pants" is completely choked out by the daily anxiety that despite no money coming through your door, it continues to fly out your windows.

10.  If you are blessed to be married to Katie then you will take profound comfort in her unparalleled level of confidence that all things will work together for your good, that you will be blessed to come off the conqueror and that somehow you have the abilities to provide for your family. And that she will be crazy about you, come what may.

11. You will read scriptures and your Patriarchal Blessing and remember other priesthood blessings and counsel you've received and you will be reassured and have fresh hope and courage fill your soul. Then it will be after lunch that same day, and your surroundings aren't any different than they've been for days. And you will conclude, “I know that if I am worthy of these blessings then the Lord will make good on all His promises. So…since the Lord cannot lie, and these blessings are eluding me…I must not be worthy of them. What am I doing wrong?” And so you’ll take it to the Lord over and over, and ask Him what you’re doing wrong. And the only clear answer will be, “We’re not working on your timetable. Have faith. Carry on.” And you’re kind of comforted by that, even though things are not working out when you think they should.

12. There are generous people everywhere; and sometimes even the smallest gestures of love or kindness will make you weep. It can truly be overwhelming. Whether you receive of somebody’s money or time or words of confidence, you feel known. And you wish you could adequately express your love and gratitude to these individuals, who have fast become your favorite people ever.

13. When you least expect it, you will receive clarity. For example, maybe you’re in the temple. And maybe there’s a man in front of you who has cerebral palsy and it takes his every painstaking effort to move ever so slowly, with the help of a walker. And you notice the grimace in his face, and the slowness of his breath. And it surprises you to see he’s younger than you. And a temple worker looks to you, wondering if you have come with this man to the temple today in order to assist him. And you haven’t, but you find yourself placing your hand on this stranger’s back and asking if he needs any help. And his grimace turns into a wide and warm smile, and he chuckles and responds, “Oh…I need every kind of help.” And as you are drawn into his disarming laughter, you marvel at his disposition and his faith and optimism. And you are embarrassed at how whiny you've been about your own temporary struggles. And you feel a voice patiently whispering to you, gently reminding you, “Your trial is a moment. Endure it well.”

Cirque du Storytelling

So you remember last year, when I was invited to speak at the Story @ Home conference, right? I spoke with my friend Jenny Eckton? Remember? About how to blog about your faith? You gave us a standing ovation and through your tears you hurled candy, flowers and money at us. Remember? Ah, memories.

Well, as a result of your enthusiasm and fan mail (that I’m assuming the USPS lost or maybe Jenny ended up with, because I never saw any of it), I have the distinct privilege of speaking at the Story @ Home Conference again THIS year! I KNOW!

This year I will be joined by my outrageously talented and lovely and delightful wife, Katie. Our presentation is titled Being Present in Your Own Story, and here is our description of the class: Are we so busy documenting our lives that we aren't living them? Or are we so focused on our presentation that we are missing the moments? Learn real-life strategies for enjoying and documenting life in a fun and humorous way!

In preparation for our class, Katie and I have spent hours upon hours practicing our Cirque du Soleil routine and we are going to incorporate it into the presentation to amaze you all! It’s going to be spectacular! (It’s going to be a single pose with Katie standing on my knees. But you simply have to see it to believe it!)

The Story @ Home Conference is really all about storytelling and the joy of telling your own story. Whether it’s blogging, bedtime stories, or entertaining a crowd, you can find classes that provide training, presentations, and workshops to develop and refine your craft.

Something else remarkable is that in only its sophomore year, the Story @ Home conference is combining with the RootsTech Conference, a renowned Family History conference held at the Salt Palace Convention Center in Salt Lake City. And while I can’t promise everyone will be doing Cirque du Soleil acts like Katie and I, you can get a pass for the entire Story @ Home conference for $79!

Mark your calendars, folks! March 21-23. See you there!