Once upon a time, in a uterus not so far away, there was a delightful baby girl named … Lucy.
Lucy refused to come out.
Her parents thought maybe it was because she had heard of the ridiculous “economic climate.”
Or the sadistic gas prices.
They were also suspicious that she didn’t want to come to a world where Scarlett Johansson was romantically linked to Sean Penn.
Or a world with Sean Penn.
Or maybe she was worried that our society was ignorant enough to buy into the hype that food items which bragged about not having trans fats were somehow “healthy” or something.
And finally, they thought maybe she had some concerns about living up to the high standards of adorableness already set in place by her six siblings.
But then, one day, Lucy listened closely, and could hear her family talking about how much they already loved her. How much they wanted to hold her.
She heard her sister singing the Tangled soundtrack no less than 83 times a day. And she thought she just might like to sing with her.
She heard her dad say, “Life just makes sense when I'm holding a pint of this Haagen-Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream.” And she thought she just might like to experience the sensation of eating a pint of Haagen-Dazs.
She heard her brothers quoting Star Wars and thought maybe it would be cooler to see this movie, because the dialogue actually sounded kind of hokey.
And she could almost feel her mom's hands as they rubbed her swollen belly, and she sensed how much more lovely it would be to be cradled in those arms. She could hear her mom’s eager voice calling out to her, wondering when she would be able to kiss her face and smell that amazing baby-breath.
Finally, she couldn’t bear to not be with her family another day, and she decided it was time to move on. Time to make her debut.
So on April 19, 2011, at 10:50 p.m., weighing 10 lbs 14 oz, Lucy arrived on the scene. She was immediately loved by all, and overnight, the entire world improved by her presence.