Just in case you guys forgot – and I’m sure you haven’t, so I’m kind of embarrassed that I’m even bringing it up – but PTA’s very own Chris Clark has a birthday this month. On the 30th. He’ll be 41. You probably want to start thinking about what you’re going to get him. And who better than to guide you through the process than his PTA friends?
Here are some things to consider.
Things to NOT Get Chris:
1. Diet Pepsi
2. Any DVDs (or Blue Rays) (or Digital Copies) of Baz Luhrmann movies
3. A Cross-Stitch of the word "Moist"
4. Denim Shorts
5. The uncanny ability to immediately sense the precise moment something is no longer trending and you and the rest of the culture-savvy world should just be over it. (He already has this, and he would have nowhere to return it for credit, so don't burden him with it.)
Some Things Chris Would Love:1. Lunch at SmashBurger
2. A court-ordered notice stating, under federal law, that it is illegal for John Travolta to make any more movies
3. A nap
5. A real ghost-trap, like the kind they used on Ghostbusters
I already know what I'm getting Chris. And it's something nobody else can gift to him. A dedication.
Back in college, Chris and I were - just for funsies - singing horrible songs from the 80s. (And there is a bumper crop, I don't think I need to tell you.) Anyway, we were doing this and stumbled upon a song that we could not believe we both knew. A song we remain convinced to this day that nobody else knows. A song we somehow magically end up belting out together at least semi-annually. And now I would like to dedicate it to Chris, since it IS his birthday month. And since he will be out of the country on his birthday...well, there's no time like the present.
For Chris, and the readers of Part Time Authors, I give you, Sylvia's "Nobody."